Wednesday, April 8, 2015

After Us


Watched this video last year when it was released and stumbled upon it again. Thought I'd share it with you guys :)

Tuesday, April 7, 2015

A GENTLE REMINDER


To be thankful for the little things: 

- a loving, caring, appreciative & ever so understanding family
- parents who let me do whatever i want to do; as long as they know it's for my own good
- a sister that loves me indefinitely & cares for me
- grandma who treats me like gold 
- cousins who love me and make time for me
- friends who love me as i am and are always there for me, whenever, despite seeing me at my worst state
- a home; with a swimming pool, lush scenery & friendly neighbours
- a bed to sleep on every night 
- a room all to myself, with my own vanity corner and a wardrobe bursting with clothes
- airconditioning in my home
- a dog who loves me despite me not being home majority of the time
- cable tv; so that i can watch every channel
- my macbook; i spend every night using it, watching movies & tv series & updating social media
- education; completing my diploma with an above average gpa
- getting accepted into one of the best universities in the world
- a church and religion that is always there, ever so accepting despite me not attending mass in forever
- acquaintances that acknowledge me; makes me feel like i mean something 
- my favourite bands; music to keep me company on long bus rides and lonely nights
- strangers who compliment me, encourage me & motivate me
- gushcloud; for giving me opportunities i could never get elsewhere
- readers who appreciate my blog & my posts, even though they don't mean much
- for a perfectly able body; i can walk, run, jump 
- for eyes that allow me to see the beauty of this world
- for having traveled out of this country so many times
- singapore; my one and only home  

this list could go on forever :')

I just need to stop complicating my life.

Stop forcing people who don't want to be in to stay, to stop forcing things to go my way, to stop feeling bitter about myself, to stop looking down on myself.

I love me!

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Andrea's 21st

Hullooo! Hehe, I had such a great day today!!!

Spent my Monday with the girls to celebrate Andrea's belated 21st. This girl didn't wanna celebrate her birthday but how can we not celebrate someone's 21st?!? We decided to surprise her at Botanical Gardens for her birthday but plan failed cos we were all late hahahhaa but we still had a smashing time. It has been so long since we had a day out like this and I'm so glad that we did this. 

I was having a rather moody weekend cos I didn't do much and today really made me very happy! Been spending more time with my friends lately which feels so good cos for the past few years I've missed out on a lot of outings. It definitely feels good to be meeting them more frequently. Also, we've started partying again which makes me feel like I'm 18 years old again HAHAHA. For the past few years I've stopped clubbing but zouk last week was so fun, I guess cos it's been awhile since I actually clubbed. Oh wells! 2015 is starting to look up and I'm crossing my fingers that it stays this way.

On a side note, the universities have not responded yet and it's making me super nervous :( I really hope I get accepted into at least 1 university?? I'm actually super looking forward to uni life! PRAY FOR ME PLEASE!!!!

IJ friends are friends for life :')
HAHAH whats camwhoring without unglams right.. :p
And we always do this when we're eating/chilling because we all end up using our phones if we dont..
We were having dinner at Macs and spotted these cuties! Hehehe A CORGI!!?!
FRIGGIN CUTE!!!!!

We headed to holland v after that for some drinks and now I'm back home on my bed listening to music and drafting this post.. heheh. I'm flying off in 1 day!!!!! So excited, but I can't wait to be back as well cause someone's gonna be back next week from OBS :B 

Hope y'all have a lovely week ahead and will probably blog about Bangkok when I'm back. Goodnight earthings :)

Thursday, March 19, 2015

SALON DE CHOIX


Hey guys! So recently I headed back to my hair sponsor - Salon De Choix - to fix my hair again! If you don't remember, I had ombre hair previously and it looked like this:
Sadly, the ombre faded to a very ugly blonde colour haha as shown below!
Dark at the top and blonde at the bottom, if you look closely, you can tell that the ends of my hair was SUPER DRY and the blonde had faded till everyone told me my hair looked like a golden retriever's hair :( thus, I decided to chop of my locks and go back to dark brown for the time being!
My stylist Chester decided to do the Intense Hydrating Mask for me cos my hair was super damaged, as usual hahaha.
Ok if you're wondering why there's a gradient, it's cos the ends of my hair were bleached so Chester had to dye it darker than the top. This ensures that when the colour fades, it wont become lighter than the top again! But look at how soft my hair is haha. I can't wait to go back again next month!!  
Also, L'oreal has come up with these new colours and the one that Chester used on me is 6.8 for the bottom and 5.8 for the top :)
These 2 pics were taken on the same night that I did my hair! And the ones below were taken just this week! As you can see, the black at the bottom has faded and is now the same colour as the rest of my hair :)



Thank you Salon De Choix for always managing my hair so well! If you quote my name "ISABELLA", you'll be entitled to 15% off all chemical service!!! 

Salon De Choix is located at:
3 Killiney Road #01-06 Winsland House 1

That's all for today! I'll be back soon :) 

Saturday, March 7, 2015

It's called Break Up because its Broken


***THIS POST IS SUPER LENGTHY so read only if you're really damn KPO or if you're genuinely interested hehe***

I've been working on this blog post for awhile and contemplating on when it'd be the right time to publish it. But I've realised that there is no right time..so since I'm at home on a Saturday, I've decided to finish it so that I can post it tonight :) before I start, I thought I'd also share Annie's (one of my closest girlfriend) blog post on what she has learnt from her recent break up as well: https://annixtay.wordpress.com/

I'm not here to share with you what I've learnt from my breakup or bitch about Dan here, but I just felt like I wanted to document this 'chapter' of my life and also to finally address this issue because I've had tons of questions on ask.fm asking me what the hell happened between Dan and I.

Just to provide some background info again, Dan and I were together for almost 3.5 years. I knew him in 2010, we got together in Nov 2011 and broke up Jan 2015. He was my first serious boyfriend and I really loved him with all my heart. I'm gonna split this post into 3 parts (the break up, post break up and present).

The Break Up: 

We didn't exactly end things on a good note because Dan was the one who initiated the break up while I on the other hand was not willing to let go of something that meant so much to me. When he first broke up with me, I kept persuading him to stay and told him we could always work things out. Previous times that he'd try to break up with me, we would usually still try working things out but this time I could feel that he was already getting distant, and it just felt..real.

One reason Dan gave me for the break up was because we'd been fighting a lot and took each other for granted. Like, during our sleepovers or dates, we'd just be using our phones and not pay attention to one another. It got to a point where we were just too comfortable with each other. The relationship got stagnant..and it just kinda fell apart like that.

I know many people (both anonymous and my friends) have told me that he broke up with me because of a girl he is currently dating, but I can't be sure and say that he broke up with me because of her. I don't wanna assume and I'm not entirely interested in knowing if that's the case. AND also, let's not leave mean comments because it's uncalled for I am sure she is genuinely a nice person and I still care for Dan & don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

Post Break Up:

For the first couple of days after the break up, I felt like I was gonna die. If you've been through a break up from a r/s that meant a lot to you, I'm sure you'd know how I feel. I was constantly calling and texting him, crying, being annoying etc. I refused to eat and I couldn't concentrate at work (I was still doing internship back then). Everyone was worried about me and even thought I was suicidal (lol)

There was once I broke down in office and started bawling my eyes out in front of everyone. Everyone freaked out and my boss told me to take the day off. But I didn't want to let the break up affect my internship so I didn't go home. My boss was nice enough to bring me out to have coffee and gave me lots of advice about break ups and told me about his own life stories. My colleagues were also super caring and understanding, and my intern friends stayed out with me everyday after work because they knew I didn't wanna go home.. I couldn't stand being at home especially in my room alone. 

One thing you should know, is that it is completely okay to grieve after a break up. I mean, you lost someone so obviously you're gonna be sad. Fuck people who tell you "don't cry, be strong". Just let it all out, trust me you'll feel so much better afterwards. It's okay to cry!! It doesn't mean you're weak hahaha. I cried a lot and it helped in my healing process! But it did make me look like shit though LOL my eyes and face were super swollen at one point and my friends told me that I literally looked like shit hahahaha.

Do try to surround yourself with your family and friends after your break up. Do things to keep your mind off. For me, I had my internship report to complete and that really took my mind off everything that was happening. Also, there were uni applications and essays to write that kept me occupied. After internship, I also made lots of plans with my intern friends so I was kinda preoccupied with my own plans. I'm back learning driving as well!! I also managed to reconnect with some of my old friends such as Nessa, Steph & Sr which was pretty awesome because we were pretty damn close back when we were like 14 or 15. I'm also gonna be heading off to BKK for my grad trip from the 25th - 29th of this month which I'm so stoked for!!!

Present:

Obviously, Dan and I did speak after the break up, and there were times where we really just wanted to just get back together. But, I know that it is not possible for now because things are different and  sure the past 3 years were great; I will never regret whatever happened between Dan and I, but I've also realised that I lost myself within the 3 years, and I would like to re-discover myself!

In what ways did I lose myself?

1. I forgot how to be independent
I used to be super super independent! I didn't need anyone to make me feel good. Sure, I dated people but if it didn't work out, I was okay with being alone too! I had lots of friends and I was more active on my blog back then as well.  After I got with Dan, my life revolved around him. I thought I couldn't live without him. We met super often and I made plans according to his schedule. So if let's say Dan were to have other plans with his friends or be away in army or sth, I would have nothing to do because I didn't have a stable group of friends that I met often. When I got tgt w Dan, I drifted from a lot of my friends, the people I hung out with every weekend. They eventually all found their SOs or new friends or have left SG for further studies. And I'm actually kinda bummed that I let the friendship end like that. And yeah I have my IJ friends, claire & etc, but during the course of the 3 years, every weekend for me revolved around Dan. So, asking my friends out when he was not around was kinda obvious that they were second priority. This occured to me after we broke up because I realised I didn't really have a lot of friends that I could surround myself with.

What I've been trying to do now is reconnect with my old friends now and also make sure I prioritise my friends because I wouldn't want them to only ask me out when their bfs are not around yknw? Also, I've been trying to learn how to be OKAY being alone. If you know me personally, you'd know that I'm not the type of person that likes alone time. You'll never see me eating alone outside, watching movies alone, shopping alone or doing anything alone. In fact, I hate being alone for some reason but I've been trying so hard lately. Sometimes I get angry and upset though but I really hope I'll grow to love alone time :)

2. I became possessive 
Overly attached girlfriend?? Pssh yeah that was me. I didn't allow Dan to have girl friends, and I restricted him from doing a lot of things like going clubbing or hanging out w his friends, etc. It was so bad, people were saying that I was a crazy gf behind my back.

I've promised myself that I will NEVER allow myself to be like that ever again in my future relationships. It's absurd, I can't expect a person to live his life according to my rules? I don't OWN him... girls, if any of you are like that now, I'd urge you to stop because your bf WILL feel super restricted and will do the opposite of what you want him to do.

In future, I would like to have a healthy relationship where I can trust my boyfriend fully & completely. For me I still have trust issues so it may be kinda hard, but I believe that it's possible. The difference between healthy and obsessive love is that with the latter, feelings of infatuation become extreme, expanding to the point of becoming obsessions. Individuals who suffer from delusional jealousy often interpret minor experiences like a colleague saying hello to their partner or looking at a passerby as positive proof that their partner is being unfaithful. This period of time will definitely give me time to learn how to love someone properly, and not confuse love with obsession.

3. I had super super low self-esteem 
I was really hard on myself back then. Compared myself to every single girl Dan dated, kept telling myself I wasn't good enough, pretty enough, funny enough... all that kinda nonsense la hahaha. Got hurt when Dan talked to girls behind my back and became even more insecure. I became this paranoid, low self-esteem person. and it's bad. CONFIDENCE IS SEXY. I lost my sexiness. HAHAHAHA. Ok no la but srsly it's always good to have a little bit of confidence. My friends were always telling me sth was wrong with me and that I have to stop feeling sorry for myself all the time.

And so....

I've been thinking a lot these past few weeks and I just wanted to say that I am truly thankful for the past few years that Dan and I shared. I mean, he taught me a lot. I was his longest relationship and he was mine too! But sometimes, good things fall apart for better things to fall together. I am happy that we were once something, I'm happy that I got to experience what being in love is like and how it feels like to go through a heart break. I still love and care for him, and I'd want nothing but the best for him.

Who knows if we might get back together one day! But for now, I'm satisfied with where I'm at, and I would really like to continue discovering myself. And this is super cheesy and cliche, but I really would really like to love myself first. Like, I think I really look down on myself too much sometimes and it sucks because I never have the courage to do many things! I wanna be able to feel confident and good about myself like how I used to feel!

And of course, I'm not in a rush to get into another r/s as well. We'll just see how things go along the way :)

I hope this post clears up any questions you guys may have so you can stop asking me what happened on ask.fm LOL! Okay, I need to go get changed now and head out for dinner.

Have a good week ahead 

Saturday, January 17, 2015

S.E.A Aquarium

Hello all!!!

Just a short update on my Friday with Dan. Had an off day so Dan and I decided to head to S.E.A Aquarium cos we haven't been there before. I'm so glad we decided to go cos I really enjoyed myself :) there's also a short vlog at the end so watch it if you want to hehe! 

He stayed over at my place on Thursday night, and on Friday, I decided to bring him to Hard Rock Cafe at RWS for lunch! I come here for lunch often during weekdays because there is a set lunch at $15 nett and it is SUPER worth it! (I'm not advertising for them ok, haha) but I just wanna share it with you guys. It includes a starter (you can choose between the soup of the day or salad, but I always go with salad cos their salad is super good), main course (this changes every week, you can choose from 3 different options), free flow of soda of your choice and finally, dessert (my fav would be the brownie with ice-cream!) Super worth the money right?? AND it's Hard Rock Cafe!!! Think good rock n roll music and nice ambience.. haha. 

As usual, I had my share of salad that day with thousand island dressing!
 Dan had the soup of the day, which was mushroom soup.
We decided to be a little more greedy since the set lunch was pretty cheap, so we ordered crispy potato skin... NO REGRETS...
For the main, I decided to have Chicken Terriyaki! Dan had Beef Lasagne, I didn't manage to get a picture of it though. 
Sadly the dessert for this week wasn't brownie with ice-cream. But Haagen-Dazs is fine too :)
After lunch, we decided to head to the S.E.A Aquarium cos we pretty much did EVERYTHING at RWS before hahaha. And well, I'm there almost every week. 
Here's a short vlog from our trip there! :) hope you enjoy it.

Remember to watch in HD! Ok I'll see you guys soon again real soon. Hope you have a great Sunday! :)

Love,
Bella