Monday, August 11, 2014

What am I doing with my life?

Hey guys..

Thought I'd pose a question to my readers (if there are still any left) today.. I was just wondering.. what are you guys doing with your life?? Because I sure as hell do not know what I'm doing with mine.

I mean yeah.. I'm in school, pursuing my diploma in business, getting above average grades. And soon I'll be heading off to internship (somehow I don't think I'm allowed to blog/tweet about what company I'm working) and then off to university (if I can even get in one) 

Then what??

And when I enter university, is that what I really want???

To be honest, a Diploma in Business Studies isn't even something I truly want. My major/specialization, Human Capital Management (if you're confused, HR) isn't want I want either. 

Then you my ask me, "if you don't like then why you still choose business?"

My answer to that is I don't know. 

After O's, I was just in a rush to decide where to go, upon entering CJC I knew it wasn't the route for me, and now here in poly, I'm also sure business isn't what I want to do. Every single time somebody asks me "what do you wanna be in the future/do in the future" I'm so embarrassed to say "I don't know". But I really don't and it's been making me feel really upset and disappointed with myself. If you ask me what I truly want to be, of course it'd be something I cannot attain and will never be able to achieve. Even if I tried. 

Another thing that has been bothering me would be my blog. I mean it's so frustrating, because I've been blogging since I was 15/16 but this blog isn't even going anywhere. I don't know, is it because I am not putting enough effort, not regular with my posts, or is it because I just don't have the content?? 

I'd be lying if I say I don't want more readers or viewers, who doesn't?? If I don't even want readers, why would I still blog in the first place? Why would I bother posting on my Instagram that I've just posted a new post?? It's because I enjoy blogging, and sometimes I really feel that it can be a second career for me. 

In the beginning when I was younger, it didn't cross my mind that blogging could earn me money, get me modeling jobs, give me 'fame' or others perks. But then as the years went by, people approached me to ask me to model for blogshops, sponsored clothes, have nice readers, and now be managed by Samplestore.com.  This is when I realised this is something I really enjoy doing and am thinking about really taking this blogging career thing seriously. 

But then again, I don't know if it's a stupid idea or not. How does one even qualify to be a "blogger"? Can someone please enlighten me? Sometimes in school and all or even with my friends, I get them saying things like "Eh you blog right, you're a blogger" etc. And I don't know what to reply to that. Am I?? I don't have much views, I only have ~3k followers on Instagram.. does that even qualify? 

 It's so embarrassing sometimes when people ask like "how many viewers you have" "how many people read your blog??" and I have to go like oh.. "only xxk la" as compared to other bloggers who have xxxk. Or if they ask me things like "how much money do you earn from blogging" for me, it's not even consistent. TBH, I don't even earn a single shit except from advertorials and modeling jobs. Everyone always say "oh so good leh you always get free stuff" etc. but do you know for all the amount of effort I put into my blog, these "free stuff" means nothing to me. 

Today, there are so many "bloggers" around.. they are much more famous, prettier, skinnier, taller and dress way nicer than me. It's hard to stand out and be different. It's hard to gain a following because everyone else is already one step ahead of me. Everyone is competing with one another to get more followers, more sponsors, just more of everything. And here I am, a little mouse trying to fit into the queue. 

I guess I'm just confused. I don't know what to do with this blog of mine, or my life. I don't know if I should continue to pursue business in university just because its the "safest degree", or if I should follow my heart and do something else related to the media industry. I don't know if I should continue blogging to see where this journey will lead, or if I should just stop once and for all cos it isn't going anywhere (if you can't already tell, I've lost most of my motivation to even blog)

I don't know I don't know I don't know!!!!!!!!!!!! 

I guess I just need some advice and reassurance on what to do. And I wanna know if anyone of you are in similar situations as me (i.e. being confused with what you wanna do in life) 

Sorry for this pointless rant. Just needed to get this off my chest.

I'll be heading to bed now because it's exactly 2 weeks to my exams and I need sleep to study. Goodnight y'all! 



Friday, July 18, 2014

Blue Mountains

Hello guys!!!

School is killing me :( I should be happy because we finally submitted our FYP today!!! IT'S OVER!!! LAST MAJOR PROJECT OF POLY EVER! It felt so surreal hahaha. But I have another 4 projects on hand as well as a few individual assignments which I have yet to complete. Also.. a mini test coming up in 2 weeks AND final exams in almost a month.. So crazy. Then it'll be internship already..... Can't believe my poly life is ending so quickly!

Haha, anyway, I wanted to do up my last post for Australia! It's going to be about the 2nd last day whereby we went to Blue Mountains! One of the most awesome days for me. I really loved Blue Mountains... I didn't wanna go back :( 

Funny story: we actually didn't want to book the Blue Mountains tour from our hotel because it cost almost $220 SGD per person for a 1 day tour compared to another website which offered the tour at $100. Thus, we decided to go for this company called OzTrails. I found it kinda weird at first cos why would someone offer a tour for so much cheaper than another company?! Fast forward to the day of the tour, we waited outside our hotel at 8am for the bus to come pick us up. When it arrived, the driver was this guy with dreadlocks and he just looked very.. junkie-ish. HAHAHA. And my mum was like "are they gonna drive us somewhere and then kidnap us?!" HAHAHAHA. It was kinda creepy at first cos he didn't look like a tour guide at all.. But turns out, he was super funny and intelligent and made the tour very enjoyable :)

I also really enjoyed Blue Mountains because the temperature there was really low and it was EVEN COLDER than it was in Melbourne. I also really enjoy sight seeing, and everything there was so damn breath-taking ok! 

Anyway, the tour bus came to pick us at our hotel at 8am! Then for 30 mins, it went around picking other people from their hotels around the city. It was a.. 2 hour bus ride and I slept through out. We arrived at some river place.. can't remember the name omg so sorry I'm so bad at remembering names of places. Hahaha, anyway we stopped here because the tour guide was collecting payment as well as asking us if we wanted to go on the scenic railway (you'll see what it is later on :)) it was SUPER cold until there was smoke coming out of my mouth when I breathed or talked. 





The scenic railway I was talking about: 



HAHAHA, we just had to spend some time camwhoring there cos it was so nice. 







We then moved up to Lincoln's Rock!!! Omg, so scary over here. I have a vlog but I'm not sure when I will have the time to edit it! We were like super high above the ground, on a cliff which had no barriers or whatever, so if you slip and fall, you will (most) probably DIE. And I had a super bad fear of heights :'c  I kept telling my parents to move away from the edge of the cliff cos I was super scared. 











Ahhhh~ I felt like I was on top of the world hehehe.. sounds a little bit exaggerating but I really liked it and as much as I wanted to sit at the edge of the cliff I didn't dare to. 


SEE HOW CLOSE TO THE CLIFF MY DAD WAS?!









After Lincoln's Rock.. We headed for the Princess Rock Tracks :) 










Then we went to Leura Town! It's like a little town in Blue Mountains haha. I always wondered how it was like for people who live so far away from the city. The people living in Blue Mountains had to take a train for 2+ hours if they wanted to get to the city (Sydney), and they do that everyday if they live in Leura and work in Sydney.  For me.. I don't think I'll wanna have to do that haha.














Yup.. but overall the town was pretty lovely. We then headed on to Scenic World!!! So exciting :p 

First stop was Scenic Cableway. We took it to get down to some rainforest track. I was quite scared initially cos I'm always afraid the cables will break and the car will drop HAHAHA.








But we made it down safely to walk on the Scenic Walkway! There were 3 different routes but we took the shortest one so we would have more time to go on the other attractions (we had unlimited passes!) 


I thought this coal mine was really cool cos it's not in operation anymore. I've always thought coal mines were really creepy.. cos I've read a few ghost stories about them before haha.









Second stop would be the most famous Scenic Railway which is SUPER STEEEEPPP!!! We took it 4 times HAHAHA!







See how steep it goes: 










Third stop: Scenic Cableway.. THE SCARIEST GONDOLA I'VE EVER TAKEN. The wind was super strong and the Gondola kept rocking side to side and it was carrying 84 people.. I swear I was super scared and just wanted to get back to the stop. 







Hahah, overall Blue Mountains was super fun! I'm so glad my dad decided to bring us there. I really would recommend you guys to go there if you're ever in Sydney, it's a really interesting experience. After the tour, they dropped us at a ferry terminal to take us back to the city :) 




Since it was our last night, we went to this Steakhouse. It was really cheap! $15 for steak + beer!! It was the best dinner of our trip! Had so much fun talking over dinner and eating together. Also, the steak was super super super yummy. And it was so big!!!!! So worth the money. 





After eating, we went back to the hotel to rest for the night. Tuesday morning we went for some last minute shopping before heading to the airport, and back to Singapore!!!!!

Sigh, it's been almost a month since Australia but I feel like it was just yesterday. Super stressed with school & assignments now so I haven't had the time to do a lot of things that I want to. 

I'm also currently hoping that I secure something which can really provide me with a lot of opportunities. And I'll talk about it if there is any good news. *fingers crossed* please pray for me! 

With that I'll end of my Australia Travel Diary :) hope you guys had fun reading it and I'll be back with a new blog layout and new posts soon!!! :D 


Love,
Bella